So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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