Plan B is the new Plan A
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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