2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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