And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
