the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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