I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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