im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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