Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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