I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
