we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
