So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
