clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
