Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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