honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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