Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
