he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
