I murdered the dance floor call the cops
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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