just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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