i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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