Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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