I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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