dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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