I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
