It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
