I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
