i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
