hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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