the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
