I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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