I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
