I cockslap morals
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
