I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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