HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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