Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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