she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
