That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
