We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The struggles of a small town man whore
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
