Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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