turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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