so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
