So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
