I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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