walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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