Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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