You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
