I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
