it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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