Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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