i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just cropdusted the office
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We have so much sex to catch up on
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My vagina just clenched in fear
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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