I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
They are going to name an STD after you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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