i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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